I often meet with families and clients who have trouble with boundaries. Some of us were never taught what proper boundaries were growing up.
Sometimes the people who have the healthiest boundaries can look mean or like they don’t care about others. The reality though, is that healthy boundaries protect all of us.
Have you ever co-signed on a car with someone other than a spouse, because they “really needed you to do it for them”?
Have you ever loaned an employee money or given an advance on not just the next paycheck but several paychecks?
Have you allowed an employee to stay employed even though their work is subpar or they miss too often, but you don’t want to be the one who fires someone and “puts them on the street”?
These are all examples of boundary issues. They happen all the time in smaller businesses because when it’s a family type atmosphere, as a lot of small businesses are, people can forget where the lines are between personal and professional.
In my financial services business, I see people in trouble all the time for co-signing and loaning money to family. Most of the time, unless you’re married to someone, keep your finances completely separate, and never borrow money with someone you’re not married to. This goes for buying a house, car loans, any big purchase. Too many times this backfires and one persona leave the relationship and the other is left holding the bag, and the debt, having to pay or risk damage to their credit.
Another issue I see with smaller businesses is co-mingling funds. If your household is dependent on your business income, and you have other employees to pay, the business is responsible for both…all at the same time. No more borrowing from the household income to pay your employees, that’s not fair to your family. The business needs a retained earnings account to hold money as an emergency fund in case there’s a lag in payments so that everyone gets their paychecks.
Another boundary issue is with family owned and operated businesses. There needs to be a clear order of operations, an understanding of who the main decision maker is. When you have 2 or more people making decisions, you also need a tie breaker. Learning to communicate effectively about things that are disagreed upon is also very important. If you don’t want your daily life looking like an episode of American Chopper, leave your ego at the door and learn how to listen, understand, and potentially come up with a compromise.
Most problems are solved by asking yourself, “What do I have control over in this situation?”, “If I say yes to something, is it an honest yes, or am I saying it to avoid a fight?”, “Am I enabling a pattern of bad behavior?”, and “Is this my responsibility or someone else’s?”
Once you understand what proper boundaries look like you can begin to enforce your own boundaries. If someone has a problem with it, they will usually push back, get angry, and maybe even stop talking to you or quit. Remember that we all have the power to choose how to react to a situation. Most of the time they are reacting poorly because it causes them pain in some way, or just frustration of not getting what they want. It’s not you, it’s them.
If you need some help with learning about boundaries, set up a free consultation and we will walk you through the process.